A ‘species’ is defined as a group of living organisms consisting of similar individuals capable of interbreeding. A ‘breed’ is a subset of that, a collection of organisms within a species that have different characteristics as a result of selective breeding. So over the years when I’ve talked about making varied skulls from different species of teddy bears, I misspoke. I’ve actually been creating examples of different breeds. Because, as we all know, the differences between teddy bear specimens consist mainly in the size, shape, color, and location of their body parts, and not by a core difference between the creatures themselves.

Teddy Ruxpin and Winnie the Pooh could of course produce viable offspring that would blend their features (provided one were female…).

So when I set out to explore teddy bear anatomy I went to several thrift stores to find examples of different breeds. I was mainly interested in the features of the skull, rather than the body: the relative size, shape, and location of the eyes, noses, and ears.

I was primed to find a fair amount of similarities between individuals- after all, teddy bears are mostly designed to fit the concept of ‘cute’, which most often includes a rounded, human-baby-like look with big forehead, large, low eyes, and small nose and mouth (that’s called ‘neoteny’, the retention of juvenile features in an adult animal).

Little did I realize there could be such a wide variety of pathways to cuteness. The combinations of features ranged widely between different breeds (and breeders, or, I guess, manufacturers) yet still communicated a cuddly, approachable, tame creature.

In order to replicate their skulls I had to translate measurements from the source teddy bears onto my sculpted versions. But keep in mind that the surface anatomy doesn’t precisely match the skeletal anatomy– the width of the portion of the eyes that you see wouldn’t be the same as the width of the eye socket. And the separation between the upper and lower jaw was particularly difficult to discern, since none of my source teddy bear specimens had open mouths. Yet I persisted in extrapolating the most likely scenarios as my guide. Here are some examples, along with their Latin names:

After all, there was no one to contradict me on the morphology of teddy bears.

That’s part of the fun of creating fake specimens of fake science. I get to set up my own logic, and although it’s based on observable phenomena it’s my own conclusions and fictions that guide me. And the more specific you are, the more believable the evidence you manufacture. It was never that difficult for me to think of teddy bears as animals with anatomy because I had a VERY active imagination since childhood, and I certainly thought of my stuffed animals as live and friendly creatures. Which is not to say these teddy bear skulls are about death, instead bones are examples of the underlying structures of life. Made up life, in this case.

Most of these felted wool specimens have long since found homes with collectors, but I’ve created photographic prints of teddy unnatural history, and I’ve been known to create made-to-order specimens when asked (and paid to do so, let’s be honest).

There are still a lot of breeds of teddy bears out there whose skulls I haven’t studied, and more are being made all the time. But have you ever stopped to think about what the evolving designs of teddy bears might say about us humans?

Teddy Bear UnNatural History: Breed Reverse Engineering

Teddy Bear Fetal Development: The Other End of the Cycle